Posts Tagged ‘me’

Film catch-up

Posted: January 29, 2010 in film, me
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Somehow, events have conspired to allow me to have actually seen a lot of films so far this year – some new, some from last year – and here is what I thought.

The Road

Has been a little divisive. Ultimately, this is a story about humanity and the way a father’s humanity is slightly restored by his gerbil-faced son in the face of horrendous, soul-crushing apocalyptic circumstances. Also the ‘woman’ of the film (Charlize Theron, fully clothed,unlike that perfume ad) goes for a bit of a walk and doesn’t come back. The kid says “Papa, Papa” quite a bit. Does Cormac McCarthy hate women? Probably not. It’s relentlessly grim but I found it gripping. We all know humanity is horrible in general but there are some good people out there right? Cannibalism usually does it for me in the ‘scary as fook’ department too. Viggo’s penis, naturally, makes an appearance early on. Thanks Viggo.

District 9

Stars the guy who will play Murdoch in the new A-Team film. Kind of like Aliens meets Menace II Society. Aliens are ghettoised in Jo’burg (not to be confused with Jo’Burger – unlikely that a million aliens would be ghettoised in an over-priced gourmet burger joint in Baile Atha Cliath) and it’s time to move them to a bigger camp before the locals start getting really mad. Very funny moments in a  well-made, fast-paced sci-fi flick. Also, the South Africans say ‘fuck’ like Jackeens. Ya bleedin’ dope ya.

Inglourious Basterds

Sublime. An OTT actioner with no real factual basis made by a man who loves films and sees it as the purest form of entertainment. Features two set-pieces up there with the best of them – particularly the opening scene. Christoph Waltz is nothing short of spell-binding and, without spoiling things too much, it’s always great to see Hitler in films and especially to see him get machine-gunned in the face. A ridiculously enjoyable romp.


More cock. Jesus, will I ever stop seeing penises in films? Bacon, DeNiro, Farrell, Mortensen, Keitel, Defoe – the list goes on. Antichrist is Lars Von Trier’s ode to the quagmire of dark depression, written while in the throes of it. What he produces here is a staggeringly, often impenetrably, personal piece of work, featuring some of the most beautifully shot sequences you’ll see in film. It is also hugely pretentious and ambitious but somehow Von Trier, and the two wonderful actors, Defoe and Gainsbourg, manage to convince. There’s also a talking fox, always a bonus if you’re watching a film in which a penis ejaculates blood and a woman cuts of her bits with a scissors. A film that is as beautiful as it is awful.


Another vampire film in which most of the world have become vamps (thanks to a virus, I think) and humans are running out. Ethan Hawke (the novelist and sometime actor) is a vampire scientist working on a blood substitute and Sam Neill is probably the first corporate vampire I’ve seen in the films. Willem Defoe pops up again, johnson inside his pants this time. Pretty rubbish but I always enjoy a vampire film so it was quite watchable.


Sam Rockwell in a tour-de-force performance as an astronaut in the future, stationed for a 3 year stint on the moon, mining for a Helium-3, a clean energy source used back on Earth. Suffice it to say that things get a little confusing for Sam and his ‘visitor’ and what evolves is a brilliant story, very simple, but expertly handled by the director- David Bowie’s son – Zowie Bowie (who boringly calls himself Duncan Jones now?).Kevin Spacey as the voice of Hal…I mean Gerty…manages not to ruin it all with his nasal, snarky tones and this is one of the best films of last year. Gripping stuff.


’80s rock band from Canada trying to get a big label deal for their new album. This is basically a love story featuring the singer, Lips, and the drummer, Robb Reiner, and their struggle to get some credit for years of rocking. Famous talking heads like Lars ‘The Twat’ Ulrich and Slash pop up to sing Anvil’s praises and it seems tha band were just a bit unlucky with their timing as every important metal band seems to love them. Does it work out for them in the end? You’ll have to watch. *does devil horns*


I’ve seen less misery on Eastenders. A great performance from Gabourey Sidibe in the title role as a down-trodden, obese teen, pregnant with her second child by her rapist father, living with her poisonous mother and just trying to survive. Light appears through the darkness in the form of a new school and a teacher who really wants to help Precious learn to read and write. Harrowing stuff with some fantasy sequences that are completely necessary in the insanely grim story. Not as good as everyone is saying but I suppose Hollywood loves a ‘triumph over adversity’ tale, eh? Worth a look though.

Up In The Air

Clooney is smooooooth as a professional ‘firer’ working for a company that other companies hire to sack employees. Clooney loves air travel and has little-to-no connection with his family…or anyone. Needless to say he meets a woman and a plucky, ambitious younger employee and things begin to ch….blah blah blah.Who cares? This has been massively overrated and is the kind of film that would be great to watch on TV some night but that’s about it. Clooney is on cruise-control and there are some funny lines but nowt too fantabulous. Not as good as Thank You For Smoking or Juno, Jason Reitman’s last directorial efforts.

Un Prophete

Wonderful tale of a young French jailbird’s journey behind bars, and outside them, through the world of the Corsican mafia and organised crime in general. Malik (Tahar Rahim) is great as the naive young dogsbody in jail who gets wrapped up in some horrendous Corsican activity and starts to make a name for himself amongst the Arabs and Corsicans alike in jail, and indeed out of jail. Another film, like Precious and Inglourious Basterds, that remembers the medium and throws in some excellent cinematic flourishes to serve the plot and also because they look good. We don’t need to be beaten to death with the frying pan of cinéma vérité every single day, y’know. Excellent film – pure Scorsese stuff and straight into place as my favourite of 2010 so far.


Plot=shit. Dialogue=clunky. So what? If you want plot/dialogue go to something else. If you want your puny mind blown to smithereens by whopping great pterodactyls swooping over your head in 3D, then this is for you. The effects are a cinematic milestone and I was giddy as a child for the whole thing. Even the parts not set in the jungles of the alien planet, Pandora, look amazing in 3D. A visual masterpiece. I can’t overstate that.If your mind doesn’t boggle at the 3D then there is something wrong with you. Why don’t you go to Laser and pontificate loudly how derivative Avatar’s plot is and how you’d rather watch Le Quatre Cents Coups instead? While you’re there, slit your wrists from the hand up to where your arm bends, not sideways. Better wound to bleed to death from.

Paranormal Activity

Hi, 12-year-old Adam. Are you terrified of things like daemons, demons, magick, poltergeists, Ouija boards, ghosts, possession, crashing noises in the dead of night and no escape from the horrors of the Underworld.

Here’s Paranormal Activity. Enjoy.

Honourable mentions to a few films I saw at the end of 2009 that may arrive here soon: The Cove (moving, powerful documentary about dolphin-slaughter in Japan) and Triangle (clever horror/thriller set on a deserted ship starring Melissa ‘Angel from Home&Away’ George, also an excellent film)

Thanks to events in the real world, I have been seriously lacking in effort with regard to these pages. Interviews, busy days, weddings, funerals. It’s all been going down. I suppose all bloggers are constantly looking at life as ‘content’ for their little online diary and for those who blog specifically on music or film, this stuff can spew forth at regular intervals.

The problems begin when one is not exactly a blogger of anything specific but rather someone who blogs on random odds and ends. And then when it becomes clear that one cannot blog on certain things (i.e. ALOT of things) without ‘giving the game away’, people reading who probably shouldn’t know certain things, that kind of piffle….forgive my cryptic ramble please. And apologies for the self-referential claptrap and for apologising for not blogging in the first place which I know can grate…erk….

So enough. I am in love with Chickatees again. Ah yes, Chickatees. How many do you think you actually swallow when you pop open a bag? Fuck all, I’d wager. They’re all in your teeth. For the diet-crazy amongst you, perhaps this heralds a new form of food non-ingestion therapy. I mean, you don’t ingest Chickatees really.You’ll eat a bag in a minute or two and then pick them all out of your teeth. The key could be to resist the urge to swallow this congealed ball of mulchy Chickatee and plop it in the bin. However, this is more difficult than you think; it tastes bloody great.

AND you can buy them in monstrous bags of 30 or 40 for a few squid too. That, combined with Spar meatballs (amazing) and some Pot Noodles – sure you’re essentially a thrifty Gordon Ramsay producing instant classics upon demand. True your salt intake would probably rival that of a large, floating whale gulping down huge waves by the hour but anyhoo.

I’m also currently sporting a rather fetching ‘tache as you may or may not know. Tis for Movember (donate here) but I can’t see myself getting rid of this badboy too quickly. The amount of action I am getting down darkened alleyways on Camden Street is outrageous. I’m raking it in. The binmen are mad for a bit of ‘tache loving. And I love the feel of their cold black jackets, the smell of Carrolls on their breath…ahhh yes…binmen….

Been busy enough beavering away for a few online publications you are probably familiar with and incoming is State mag’s top 20 albums of the decade…or is it top 100…or is it best albums of the decade in no particular order but with a non-specified number cap…jesus. Anyway, I know I’ve left Smog/Bill Callahan off one of these reeeeally difficult lists and I am going to make it up to him by doing my next post about him and most likely about A River Ain’t Too Much To Love, I think.

Also, Christmas is coming and I fucking love Christmas so, to quote a great man, BABY I’M BACK. I think I’m feeling motivated by R’n’B super-lech, R.Kelly’s banging new single

Actually banging. And without the use of contraception it would seem. Shuddering yet?

Alien vs Predator

Posted: October 8, 2009 in me
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It’s odd to come home and find everything exactly the way it was when I left.

The other half has been gone to the US since Sunday and so I have a 3-bedroom house all to myself for a few weeks. This leads to all sorts of problems, of course, but there are advantages.

Looking after the dog, by myself, is a distinct problem. He’s needy. I am too, but there’s not much he can do to appease me, if I’m honest. The neighbours, who are there all day, come and take him every so often, but in the evenings it’s a face-off.

“Dinner”, his eyes say. “Give me your dinner”

“I bloody fed you 2 minutes ago”, I snap.

“That wasn’t enough. I want more. I especially want that curry you are eating, not that stale Ryvita you just threw on the floor to try and distract me”, his eyes say.

“Jesus, I’m only in the door half an hour – let me relax”, I plead (yes, with the dog).

“Oh ho. Relax is it? ENTERTAIN ME”, his eyes say.


This can go on for hours.


If there’s a blogeur equivalent of ‘doing a Pink at the VMAs’ and metaphorically dangling myself upside down from a buff acrobat, banging away on the keys of a keyboard thing to impress you, the agog reader, then this is it.

Shiny and new like the Ceann Comhairle’s expensed, and expensive,  Pringle jocks (no little holeage in the front to pee out of for FULL support and maximum expense…haven’t you ever had a pair?) this is There Will Be Blog 2.0…for the moment anyway.

I’m not sure what the advantages to the switch might be but I fancy a change and if it does go tits up I’ll scurry back over to Blogger like a crab seeking a latrine after a hot curry. I am reliably informed that ‘WordPress is better’ and ‘Blogger is balls’ by ‘culturally relevant internets people’ (I’ll stop doing that now).

I guess if I ever wanted to bag a heap of nominations for blog posts and consistency, well, I’ve blown it now.

If you are going/gone to the Jesus Lizard in the Button Factory then you are a lucky motherfucker – I just can’t stretch to it. At least they melted my face at Primavera this year and will most likely melt, or completely kick off, your face tonight. A tasty night of tunes awaits this Friday though when Nodzzz arrive in Whelans (with the wonderful So Cow in support), fuzzing up the night, and over at Twisted Pepper there’s a Richter Collective Singles night with Not Squares, Jogging and a DJ set from Jape himself. Bi-location will be a necessity.

Me? I’m trying to settle into a working week that now consists of four days and a smaller paypacket so the recession has landed home at last. The dog even bit me the other day. He must have felt I wasn’t quite bummed-out enough. It felt like the equivalent of your girlfriend inadvertently insulting you in front of your mates. It just wasn’t expected. Luckily he’s a Shih Tzu so my lengthy recovery took about 5 minutes of looking at my ‘wound’  and looking at him and looking at it and looking around the room. Thanks Chirpa. Thanks for hurting our friendship with your gnashers.

Anyway, the laptop’s back so it’s time to catch up on all things music, film, TV, blog and otherwise.

Da Nerd Herd

Posted: March 31, 2009 in Uncategorized
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I’m sitting in the front room of the new abode and in the next room sits my sister, my girlfriend and three friends playing a fantasy board game called Descent.
Now, it is perhaps a little known fact that my girlfriend is a supernerd.
Little known if you don’t know me, I suppose. And maybe even if you do.
It was subtle at first. Gaming consoles started to pile up. Gamecube, PS2, Nintendo DS, Xbox and many more. The comics started to appear everywhere, action figures were being bought and not taken out of their boxes and then came the question every red-blooded male out there dreads:
“Will you come and play the Battlestar Galactica board game with me and my friends after work?”
Crikey“, I thought. “This is worse than I thought.”
So now it’s Descent. There appears to be a glut of dragony things and goblins. There’s dice involved. It’s all a bit Mason-esque and odd. So I will remain in the other room hiding away from the potion-buyers and sword-wielders, drinking my can and blogging my blog.
I slapped a review of Animal Collective together for the ‘D so have a look and see if you agree. The goblins approach, I must fly.

Telepathe: The drug of the nation

Posted: February 12, 2009 in Uncategorized
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Wavves gig was great last night, although it made me wish I was 10 years younger and had a fringe/mullet.
Will have a review up on The ‘D soon but, for the moment, those beautiful Brooklynite synth sirens, Telepathe, have kindly returned my Q & A so go check that out

EDIT: Wavves live review from Whelans

Telepathe: The drug of the nation

Posted: February 12, 2009 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Wavves gig was great last night, although it made me wish I was 10 years younger and had a fringe/mullet.
Will have a review up on The ‘D soon but, for the moment, those beautiful Brooklynite synth sirens, Telepathe, have kindly returned my Q & A so go check that out

EDIT: Wavves live review from Whelans